she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
