These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
