Someone shit on the floor
you traded sex for a burrito?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
