thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
