Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
