Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So apparently I’m into choking now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
