Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
