i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
