The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
