in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
