you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
