Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
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I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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