Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
