Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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