you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize