i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
