capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
