oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
