Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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