I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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