I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
