last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
