I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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