i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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