8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
