someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
