Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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