everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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