so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
