I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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