do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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