So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
