Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
