my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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