Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
