Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
