I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
