You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
