She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
