I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
