I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
