I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Panties = found
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
