My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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