Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
