1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was CRYING into my vagina
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
