so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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