Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
