just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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