im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
