Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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