I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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