My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
