yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
