Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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