not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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