I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
