I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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