Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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