I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
