with your own penis?
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i think i have two assholes
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
