Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize