She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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