I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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