Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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