Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
